thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
