i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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