I want to stick my p in your. b.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How's work?
Spinning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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