Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
