You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
