This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
