Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
