My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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