Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
