A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
