We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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