Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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