I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
