you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
