I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you win again, gameday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
