yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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