did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
