I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
