I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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