"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
