we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize