There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
