Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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