I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize