i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
