youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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