I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
what day is it and did you see me today?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
