Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
