Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
