So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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