you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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