I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
