Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
