I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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