i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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