Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
