i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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