Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
