Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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