that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
