you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
