We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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