apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
