you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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