Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize