So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
