you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
