I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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