I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
