Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
