The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
