This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
