was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
