Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize