I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
