He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
