Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
