Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
