i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
