3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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