Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
