My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I skipped work to stalk him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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