i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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