My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
