Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
