I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Quick, to the slutcave!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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