it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
