You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
