I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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