He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
